Afraid of What Might Happen

I don't want to let go of her. I still have feelings for her and I'm afraid to let go because I'm scared that she might decide to come back, even though she has told me it's best to move on. If she ever does decide to come back, I won't be ready, and I hate disappointing people. I used to do it all the time, and it doesn't exactly make me feel good. I always try to please someone to the best of my ability and if I fail to do it, it makes me feel bad. I want to let her go and move on, I don't want to chase her if she won't let me follow. But I don't want to let her go only to have her say she wants to come back. I know she won't come back, but there is something inside me telling me she will. It won't shut up and it won't stop telling me. I would love for her to come back if she was comfortable and ok with it, but it's not going to happen. I would do anything for her, even giving up baseball, or starting over completely. I really don't know what to do. It's very confusing and frustrating. I guess I'm afraid of being alone. My first girlfriend cut me off after only 8 days. It was my first breakup, so I felt horrible for almost a whole week. I guess it's lucky it didn't last long because I probably would have been dead inside for a lot longer. However, I want her back. She taught me how love felt like. And it's amazing. I guess I'm afraid of being alone again for a long length of time. My first girlfriend broke up with me the end of November 07, and I didn't go out with her until July 4th. I'm not sure how long it will be until I get my next girlfriend, but I really hope it isn't too long. I hope she finds someone, too. She hasn't told me, but from what I've read, she is extremely lonely, too. I hope she finds someone.