Snakebites #2

Friday, July 6, 2012
   Today I got an email saying my labrets are out of stock so I have to wait until they get another shipment before they send them to me. I hope it's not too long. I also finished another can of saline solution. This can lasted a lot longer than my first, now that I know how to use it haha. The first one lasted about 4 days. This one lasted 12 days. I still have 2 cans left. Hopefully they'll last for the rest of the healing time because I don't want to buy any more.

Thursday, July 5, 2012
    Two weeks down! I'm 1/2 to 1/3 of the way done! I ordered black labrets online today. It said the delivery is anywhere from 2 to 14 days. My left side is not really that swelled, but my right side is. I feel like that side is going to be the problem side, in that it will take a little longer to heal than the other side.


Wednesday, July 4, 2012
    Nothing happened today.


Tuesday, July 3, 2012
    Nothing really happened.

Monday, July 2, 2012
    I have to remember to take my time eating, even when my stomach's in wildebeest mode. It's probably not going to get any less painful when I snag a disc with my tooth haha. Patience! I was eating at Subway and I was starving. Sandwiches are already hard enough to eat (getting easier!) and me trying to eat as fast as I can didn't help.


Sunday, July 1, 2012
   Bruising is all cleared up today. I'm really hoping for a 4 week (not 6 week) recovery! Nothing hurts, everything is going smoothly and it's getting much easier to eat and talk normally. It's like they aren't even there. I see a lot of friends at school tomorrow, so we'll see how they like them.

Saturday, June 30, 2012
    I noticed some swelling went down some because everyone in my family keeps saying the piercing is sticking out lol. It looks really weird when my lip isn't swelled.

Friday, June 29, 2012
   Nothing really happened today.

Thursday, June 28, 2012
   Ugh, today. After I showered, I noticed the right stud's ball was not there. Luckily it didn't go down the drain, but instead got caught right next to the drain. I was so glad I found it but I could NOT put it in the piercing. I kept dropping it in the sink and then I dropped it and it fell beside the toilet. It took me about 10 minutes to find it because it is MICRO. But I did find it. Then I promptly dropped it again. This time I really couldn't find it. I asked Andy for help and we pulled everything out of that bathroom. We even swept to try to get it to move and make noise. We searched for an hour before giving up. I was a little panicky because I didn't want the stud to come out of the hole, even partially so I kept pushing on the disc with my tongue or I held it with my index finger. Andy and I tried to drive to the piercer ourselves but we only had the van. It stalled at the end of the block and I decided it wasn't worth it to try to make it there. So I had to wait another hour for my mom to get home so she could take me there. Of course she got mad because she always freaks out when plans change, even slightly. Example: I had a softball game at 6 and it was 5:30 when she got home. We had to go to the piercer before that (which is RIGHT beside the fields). I would understand if it were on the other end of town but it was literally on the way. Anyway, back to topic. I got to the piercer and he replaced the ball. He also said they looked good and he took a picture for his portfolio. Aww yea. Then I played my softball game.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012
    Nothing happened.

Snakebites #1

Tuesday, July 26, 2012
   No real problems today. I just have to start bringing mouthwash and saline with me so I don't get caught without it and I have some impulse food buying. I'm not sure but I think the bruising is clearing up a little. I'm going to try to make a better effort to stop playing with the discs inside of my mouth. It's not doing anything to help me.

Monday, July 25, 2012
   I noticed some bruising starting on the right side of my lip (inside). I still have the vertical streak of bruising on the left side of my lip on the inside. I ran out of saline today already. I wasted a lot of it trying to figure out how it works. My dad went to martin's to buy more when I ran out. He got 3 bottles. Hopefully these last much longer because this stuff is expensive. Today the outside felt a little sore and it burned a little today. I just have to remember to wash my mouth as soon as I finish eating. After I sprayed the outside with saline, the burning went away.

Sunday, July 24, 2012
   Nothing really happened today except the left stud fell off. I actually screwed it in myself. Progress! It's also getting a lot easier to eat now that I'm getting used to my piercing.

Saturday, July 23, 2012
   My family went to Hershey Park today. Before we left, I tried to tighten my studs but ended up screwing the first one the wrong way and it came off. Damnit haha. I tried to screw it on but I couldn't. My mom couldn't either so I had Andy do it again. I had no problems at Hershey, despite riding some very intense roller coasters. The small circular bruise is now a vertical streak. Doesn't hurt, it's just noticeable if I flip my lip out.

Friday, July 22, 2012
   My right stud unscrewed and fell off today. That was kinda scary. I couldn't seem to screw it in so I had Andy do it. Counterclockwise for me! Gotta remember that. I had a softball game tonight. Everything went ok which is good because on Wednesday I got hit in the mouth with a softball. Good thing I didn't get pierced on Tuesday, which was the original plan. I noticed a small circular bruise near my left disc.


Thursday, July 21, 2012
   I got pierced today at Yours Truly at the shopping center by Eastern Blvd, near the Weis and the Super Buffet place. It was a really clean, really cool looking shop. I got snakebites, so one piercing on each side of the lower lip. It took about 5 minutes to do paperwork and 10 minutes for the actual piercing. It was interesting. I had my mom record it lol. She's squeamish, but she did a good job, no wobbles or dropping the phone haha. When he pierced the first side of my lip, I felt nothing at all. The second one hurt a little, but it was no problem. No blood that I could tell! If I did bleed, it was easily cleaned up with a Q-tip. Once we finished, I started to pay but I felt like I was going to pass out. It was definitely a combination of getting pierced and not eating the entire day. That was also a weird experience. The lights got more powerful. Not brighter, but their rays stretched farther and farther, eventually overlapping each other. I was fully conscious, answering questions and whatnot, but I probably sounded bad because I just didn't have the energy to speak up so I mumbled everything in a monotone voice. They gave me water and jellybeans. The jellybeans pulled me right out of it in about 10 minutes. Magic! After that, my mom and I left. I have to clean the outside with Saline Wound Wash 2-3 times a day and rinse my mouth with diluted mouthwash (60% water, 40% Listerine) when I get up, go to bed and after I eat or drink anything besides water. Kind of a pain, but it's no big deal. Nothing else really happened that day.

I got pierced

Thursday I got pierced. Snakebites! I've been keeping notes on how I feel every day and I'll be putting them here. Yes.

Blank

I feel so far from everyone. I feel like if I didn't attempt to contact anyone, I'd never get contacted. I see people who are always being talked to and that's what I want. But I guess I'm not interesting enough to be talked to. I'm tired of talking. Talk to me. I mean, I think I'm interesting. I guess that's not what other people see though, because I could easily go weeks without receiving a text (or months without a call). Nobody just checks in with me to see how I'm doing. Just because I don't post negative statuses or tweets doesn't mean I'm doing fine. I want to go back to my apartment, not my new one. The old one. I love that apartment. I had the best view, the best roommates and the best living conditions. The new roommates seem nice but I don't want to fix what wasn't broken. I wish I meant more to anyone.

I messed up, but please give me another chance

Everything and everyone sucks. The only person I can rely on is myself. It'd be so much easier if I had someone I could trust though. Why are they so hard to find for me? My future better be worth all this.

School is crazy. There's an insane amount of work to do in so little time. I stayed up all night to work on Unreal, and I'm burnt out on it right now. With less than 70 pages to go. I'd say it's pretty good. I read/did 110 pages in 6ish hours. Midterm is today. I should be fine. I feel like I'm rambling but I'm keeping my mind active so I don't fall asleep. I don't have to leave for class until 8 and it's only 6:30. I guess whenever I finish this post, I'll shower then eat. Hopefully that will eat up my time. Ramble ramble ramble. I'll be excited when this quarter's over because my portfolio review will be over. That's such a huge load off if my shoulders. Can't wait!

I won't be home very long after this quarter. 5 days max. I will be coming home during the week (thanks to the wonderful ginger!) There will only be a week's break after week 11 and I'll be coming home in the middle of week 11. Since I'm a tutor I'll have to go back a week before school starts (the only week for break) to help out with new student orientation. Busy busy busy. Haha when did my life get so complicated? However, I feel good about it. I feel happy most times. I'm only missing 2 or 3 things and life would be... perfect? If that exists. And I believe it does now. Yes. Everything just needs to fall into place. I hope that happens sooner than later. I'm ready.

I feel good, physically. I've only exercised for the last 2 weeks, but I notice a difference already. I need to keep it up though. I have nice plans for myself. It's not fully developed though. I don't entirely know what I want. Actually I do, I just don't know how to get there.

I think it's time to shower. Then eat, then off to my 12 hour day at school. Wish me luck, with no sleep.

I mean, I'm not mad if you don't want to talk. Just tell me so I don't feel like a dumbass for texting you 3 or 4 times in a row without a reply. Damnit.

I'm laying face down. This is how I'll be sleeping tonight. My phone is pressed against my heart and it brings me comfort. I don't know why, but it doesn't matter. I trust you'll do the right thing now if the time comes.

Everything always works out.

This is exactly what I mean.

When we dated or even before that, we would have jumped at the idea of doing something, or just hanging out. Walking or even nothing at all. It's not even about boy/girlfriend status. It's about being friends. I would never bail out on you. You've really changed these last few years. I was really looking forward to showing you around and letting you see what I have to work with. It's really exciting, all of this talent in the school that I can use to make cool games. But you'd rather have an extra hour and a half of sleep. I hope you enjoy it.

Good fucking night.

Why do I feel so isolated and alone? I just want someone I can talk to.

I have no one to talk to about these things. It sucks.

We don't seem to talk much anymore and I miss it. When I text you there's a less than half chance you'll text back. I get it when you're at school, you're busy, but we're on break. I should have a better chance. I'm still here for you and I'd love to help you out in your hard times, but you never tell me what's going on in your life. You're a really cool person but I'm not going to keep trying to talk to you if you don't make an effort too. We used to hang out all the time on breaks but I've only seen you twice in the last week. And you'll be gone for the rest of break. When I mentioned that, you shrugged as if you don't care. I've just decided to stop chasing you. Show me you still want to be close friends, because I'm putting too much effort in for nothing

Forever Alone

I've had to say goodbye forever to two people this week. I've known one for over a year and the other for just under a year. Both are really cool people. Life really sucks. Both have graduated from their school. I'm not sure what one is going to do but the other is moving back to Florida. I'll really miss her, we had a lot of fun times and good memories over the last year. Bleh. High school is nothing compared to this because with those people you'll always have common ground: your hometown. Some people may never leave and some people may never come back, but at least you have a better chance of seeing them again than with two people who have completely different life paths. Like with my friend, she's from Florida and lived in Arlington for a while. She graduated from the University of Maryland this semester. Now she's going to move back to Florida. Realistically, she doesn't have any reason to ever come back to Arlington whereas people from Hagerstown might come back to Hagerstown (family, friends, etc.). It really sucks because I feel as though we just started developing our friendship on a more personal level and a less work-related one. And now all that will be gone because she'll have moved. We'll still probably keep in touch, but it'll be nothing like hanging out.

Night time

I really want someone to cuddle with. The feeling of bare legs touching and the warmth of two bodies. The tightness of spooning. Some nights like this, I just want to cuddle until I sleep, because I can't fall asleep tonight. I miss cuddling. I miss the feelings that come with it.

My blog is depressing

So I've been getting really into school lately. I've been busy with my new(ish) job at Pete's. It's freakin' sweet there. On top of that, I got hired as a math/programming tutor at my school. I'll be working around 7-8 hours a week which is great. It should keep me busy and focused on school. That's always helpful. The only class I expect to give me problems is Critical Thinking this quarter just because I don't really like reading and writing and that class has the most haha. I'll just have to get it over with. Other classes... uh, 3D modeling which is cool, a javascript class and science of light (just as exciting as it sounds!). easy classes. I'm not sure if anyone still reads this but almost all of my web-related projects and content (including javascript and Flash games!) will be posted on my school site: www.jkronawetter.aisites.com

I would really love for you to check it out and drop some feedback. I don't really care much about my actual website design (although if you like it you should totally tell me because that would boost my confidence haha), but check out my projects. If it's just a website, don't spend too much time on it because i sure didn't! (zing?). Check out my games and email me telling me what you think. It'd be super cool to hear from you (anyone).

Anyway, I think that's all for now. Also, I got a twitter now. Toodles! #notgay

I Still Think About You

Although your pedestal is weakened, you still have one.

I hope you don't still think of me.

Move it

In our 4 (almost 5) years of friendship, I've never felt more distant from you than this last week

Once again

I've only looked through my shoebox 4 times. I put it together just before I moved to arlington. It contains everything I have to remember dani by. From pictures to movie stubs to ice skating passes, field of screams pass, an ugly doll, a baseball domo kun, wall-e, letters and many other things. I've looked at it only 4 times. Once when I finished putting it together. Once when I finished moving into my first apartment, another time when I changed apartments and the last time was a week after we broke up. I've cried only 3 times. I didn't cry the last time, and i'm not sure why. I haven't cried about being broken up after the second day. However, this made me really sad when i read it:

"so yeah, today didn't really go as planned. not at all haha. but you took care of me when i really needed it, and i can't find words to express how it made me feel. no one has ever done that for me, and i really felt your love. when my temperature was 102, i was glad to have you there beside me for support. it may not be that big of a deal, but i needed it more than you may think.
this past year, we have as grown as a couple. when we first got together, we both didn't think it'd work. it was a slow transition, but i'm incredibly happy we waited it out. we've figured each other out, for the most part, over all this time. i know a lot of your quirks, your habits, your emotions, and the things that make you you. and you, you've figured me out as well. i don't know about you, but i know you've helped me with my self esteem. you can make me smile through anything, and you give me hope. our routine mondays keep me waiting, and cheese pizza has never tasted so good in my life haha. and our geek show never gets old.
i love your laugh, your voice, your smile, your eyes, your twisted sense of humor. i also love how different we are from other couples our age haha. but i really love how much we are alike, and how beautifully we get along. it really is a type of perfect, if perfect is even real. we're two puzzle pieces that fit perfectly. i feel it when we hold hands, when we hold each other close, when we kiss, and when we look into each others eyes. i don't believe in soul mates, but joey, if i did you'd be mine haha.

i was thinking i should send this in a message, like something more private. but then i realized i dont care. comments are kind of supposed to be seen, and i hope someone, even somebody i don't talk to, reads all of this. because i am proud to have you to myself, as my joey. this may even read sickly sweet to you or to others, but i still don't care. because i found you, and you found me.
because i love you.

october 6th, 2009"

I was listening to Let's Get It's songs on myspace when I looked at my comments and this was one of the most recent ones from anybody. Luckily you dated it. I had forgotten about this day. You were really sick when we planned on having a fun day at the mall that never happened. I cried after reading this a second time.

I miss this dani. I've missed her before we even broke up. I wonder where she went.

Brutally Honest

Today in psych class, we did an exercise where we moved our desks to make one big circle. Our class is around 20 so it was pretty big. Our teacher would say a situation and if it applied to you, you got up and stood in the center and made a circle with everyone else that stood up. Nobody was allowed to say anything and when you stood up you had to acknowledge the other people in your circle in some way. At first he started off with "If you wear glasses or contact lenses, stand in the circle." and "If you are male" or "If you are female." Then it got deeper like "If you broke off a serious relationship since high school" which I did, about 2 weeks ago. "If you have even had thoughts of suicide." "If you are lonely." "If you are single." "If you are catholic." "If you are Protestant." "If you had the choice, have you ever, at one point, wished you were from a different race." "If you are embarrassed by your social class." "If you feel you are unattractive." "If you have discriminated against someone." "If you have been discriminated against."

It was really cool to see everyone stand up and admit to things that were crazy personal. It also felt really good to stand up, like I was getting something off my chest.

Which brings me to my post. I want to say these things, no matter who will read it. I'm sorry if it hurts any feelings. I'm sorry.

• I feel happier and more comfortable in Arlington than Hagerstown. Not specifically the town, but my home. I would prefer to be in my apartment than my house. Though that doesn't mean I never want to go to my house.
  
  
• I feel ok about not being with Dani. I don't know why. It just doesn't bring me sadness when I think about it. It's been this way for the last week and a half. I wanted to be sad through the first week but I couldn't force it. I've even talked about it to someone. I wanted to feel sad because it didn't feel right NOT being sad, but there was no sadness.
  
  
• I feel agitated when Dani ignores what I say and I usually want to stop talking to her. I know she doesn't do it on purpose but it feels like it's hard to do by accident. I don't know. I need feedback on my ideas and comments and it disturbs me when I don't receive it.
  
  
• Sometimes I wish that Dani and I didn't talk so much. It's good to stay in touch, but sometimes it feels like we're still dating and I want to get away from that. I don't want to feel that anymore. I want to move on. Although I do like receiving texts from people first. Maybe it's just a matter of time before we can have long conversations and I don't feel anything. Maybe it's just me.
  
  
• I do want to stay friends with her. I just need to get away so I can fall out.
  
  
• I like my job and I can't stand a few of my coworkers. On the flip side, I think 2 of them are cute and I could see myself with them, but they are juniors. That could be bad? I don't know.

Maybe I'll add on to this list, but probably not. Hopefully it feels good to get this off of my chest. It may not seem like much to anyone else, but it's a big deal to me.

Happy Anniversary

2 years and 5 months.








Or it would have been