Brutally Honest

Today in psych class, we did an exercise where we moved our desks to make one big circle. Our class is around 20 so it was pretty big. Our teacher would say a situation and if it applied to you, you got up and stood in the center and made a circle with everyone else that stood up. Nobody was allowed to say anything and when you stood up you had to acknowledge the other people in your circle in some way. At first he started off with "If you wear glasses or contact lenses, stand in the circle." and "If you are male" or "If you are female." Then it got deeper like "If you broke off a serious relationship since high school" which I did, about 2 weeks ago. "If you have even had thoughts of suicide." "If you are lonely." "If you are single." "If you are catholic." "If you are Protestant." "If you had the choice, have you ever, at one point, wished you were from a different race." "If you are embarrassed by your social class." "If you feel you are unattractive." "If you have discriminated against someone." "If you have been discriminated against."

It was really cool to see everyone stand up and admit to things that were crazy personal. It also felt really good to stand up, like I was getting something off my chest.

Which brings me to my post. I want to say these things, no matter who will read it. I'm sorry if it hurts any feelings. I'm sorry.

• I feel happier and more comfortable in Arlington than Hagerstown. Not specifically the town, but my home. I would prefer to be in my apartment than my house. Though that doesn't mean I never want to go to my house.
  
  
• I feel ok about not being with Dani. I don't know why. It just doesn't bring me sadness when I think about it. It's been this way for the last week and a half. I wanted to be sad through the first week but I couldn't force it. I've even talked about it to someone. I wanted to feel sad because it didn't feel right NOT being sad, but there was no sadness.
  
  
• I feel agitated when Dani ignores what I say and I usually want to stop talking to her. I know she doesn't do it on purpose but it feels like it's hard to do by accident. I don't know. I need feedback on my ideas and comments and it disturbs me when I don't receive it.
  
  
• Sometimes I wish that Dani and I didn't talk so much. It's good to stay in touch, but sometimes it feels like we're still dating and I want to get away from that. I don't want to feel that anymore. I want to move on. Although I do like receiving texts from people first. Maybe it's just a matter of time before we can have long conversations and I don't feel anything. Maybe it's just me.
  
  
• I do want to stay friends with her. I just need to get away so I can fall out.
  
  
• I like my job and I can't stand a few of my coworkers. On the flip side, I think 2 of them are cute and I could see myself with them, but they are juniors. That could be bad? I don't know.

Maybe I'll add on to this list, but probably not. Hopefully it feels good to get this off of my chest. It may not seem like much to anyone else, but it's a big deal to me.