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Please God. I don't want to lose her. She means everything to me. But I can't live that way, I just can't. I'd compromise but from the looks of it, this can't be compromised. I could be wrong. I hope I'm wrong. 2 years, 3 months, and 15 days today.

I love you with everything I have. I would risk (and even sacrifice) my life for yours. In a heartbeat. It's 12:10 and it's been an hour and 30 minutes since we started the conversation and 20 minutes since we ended it. I hope you understand what I meant by "You're not helping my thought process" because I can't bear to say it. I can't even think about it. Even the first, unformed thought brings me to instant tears. If I dive deeper into the thoughts, the tears come faster. I just got up to brush the tears away and blow my nose and I'm sure it won't be the last time in writing this post. I don't know what I'd do without you. Arlington is a big place for someone so lonely, despite having someone to talk to at any time. Without that person I can't even imagine what it would be like. I'd hate to have to experience all these things with no one to share it with. And I'm so shy about meeting people that I'd be hopeless. I can picture myself being alone, living alone. You, on the otherhand, will always have someone, even if it's a friend. You will never be alone because it's just who are you. I'm so closed up that it's really hard for me to meet people by myself. It's too hard. I really hope you figure out what you want from this relationship. And if I ever find out that you lie to me in the near future to stay with me, I will be incredibly upset. You'd be building this relationship on a lie and I would be both crushed and angry. Please think carefully about what you want in life. Because 27 months is a long time and it would be a waste to go further, knowing that our lives would not be compatible.

And remember that I love you. I would not be this emotional over something like this if it were not for love. I believe I'm running out of tears in just under 2 hours, as it's 12:25 now. Remember when I said my class did the relaxation technique? There were 3 parts. The first was to clear your mind and completely relax your mind and body. The second was to picture yourself in the most peaceful and enjoyable place you could imagine. The third was to focus energy on certain body parts. Want to know where my peaceful place was? It was in your bed at your house. I was on the side closer to the door, on my back. You were snuggled up right next to me. Our legs were touching and the blankets were over us. You had your eyes closed but you were smiling. I had my right arm around your, lightly moving it up and down your back. That was my most peaceful and enjoyable place I could possibly think of. Remember, I love you.

Please excuse any typos as it's hard to read through tears.