Love. Lost.

A perfect angel. I've found her. It was a dream. Why can't i get to keep it? I don't want trials. I want the full thing. I see people with their relationships that have lasted 6 months, a year, or even 3. They are so affectionate. I wanted a turn. Why can't I have it? I think I deserve it. Is there something wrong with me? Why does misfortune always strike me? I don't think I did anything to deserve this. Everytime i'm on top of the world, something goes wrong. It's never anyone's fault. It just happens. I better have been a serial rapist in another life or something, because i don't think i've done anything wrong.

She was perfect for me. she needed help, i loved to help. and i learned that i needed help too, and she was there to provide it. We laughed together, my favorite thing to do. We connected. We had fun. What more could you ask for? We loved each other. She was the first to have my heart. We knew so much about each other. I thought it wold last forever. Then life decided to throw a wrench in the gears. That night happened so fast. I was spinning, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't see straight, or concentrate. Everyone tried to keep me up. It wouldn't work. I didn't want to lose her. She meant so much. I don't even think she could ever know how special she was to me. The only person to ever teach me what love was. And she will not come back. I need her. I've found out that I'm never actually truly happy unless I have someone to say "I love you" to. I always thought I could go through my normal days walking through the halls, or the stores, just imagining a fun relationship. But I can't. Now I know what i'm really missing out on. And it tears me apart. I've left her know how I really feel, and how I still love her. I tried to get her to come back. that wasn't the original plan. that was just me being pathetic.

I really want her back. I would do absolutely anything for her. Even give up baseball, my one and only activity I would dedicate my life to. I loved her with everything i have, and then some. She knows it too. She's afraid of hurting me again and won't come back, but i think there's another reason too that she's too afraid to say. I won't force it out of her, why should i? it's none of my business. Her smile would brighten my worst days. As the tears touch the floor, I'm realizing that her beautiful lips will never again be mine to touch.